Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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