Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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