I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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