WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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