I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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