She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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