I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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