Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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