my vag is so smooth its legendary
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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