that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
