Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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