Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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