Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
