Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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