I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They took my balls.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
