I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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