FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?