Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need a hoe opinion