I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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