remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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