I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
