I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
