Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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