If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
this is an emotional support booty call
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
