anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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