I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
