Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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