I don't usually arrange sex via text message
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize