also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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