Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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