throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
