and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
