Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
