I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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