cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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