Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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