The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
