At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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