if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Still dying that you shit outside
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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