I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
