What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
