I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
