You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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