Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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