Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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