Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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