i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
