Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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