Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
