When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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