Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
