escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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