Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His hands were made for my vagina.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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