why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
