I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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