He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
