I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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