Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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