i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
