my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
