I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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