that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Green mimosas i think yes
Drunk walkin through police station. America
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
