shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
